Saturday, December 6, 2008

The Hippopotamus and Magical Sex

I just finished reading Stephen Fry's novel The Hippopotamus. I picked it out this summer at Powell's and chose it based on its very low low price, paperbacked-ness, and nice hippo cover. I read it during lunches as I was starting at PECI, and then shit went down, and I lost the book. I also lost my sunglasses, my check wallet, and a lot of lip gloss. 

A couple of weeks ago, I found them all in the same messenger bag that I apparently had not used or opened in months. So I took it up again, more than half-way through, and it finally got good and interesting, which it sadly had not previously been. This being the reason it was lost and not very well looked for. Anyway, spoiler alert, it turns out that this kid has fucked his cousin, a horse, and an older man because he thought his semen would heal them of their ailments. 

At the same time, Digg told me about this comic which highlights a superpower that necessitates the superhero to fuck the person for them to tell the absolute truth.

In related news, once upon a time, when an ex-friend and I would talk about things like, since Johnny Storm says "FLAME ON!" to turn into Human Torch, shouldn't The Thing, or The Hulk, or Colossus say "HARD ON" when they transform into their more invulnerable states? Or, when Wolfsbane transforms from her more human form to her wolf form, what happens to the hair down there? In related matters, Green Lantern could hypothetically create a green condom, bypassing the need for other contraceptives except! Could he retain a sufficient level of concentration during the moment in which he actually would need the block to keep it substantive? Of course the classic discussion is Superman's deadly shot through Lois and WonderWoman's wonderwomb from Mallrats. 

Problems in my Life Right Now

1. My dad is dying of lung cancer in California and he is a good person and I am in Portland and I should be helping them everyday.
2. My house is unsanitary to the point that I avoid the kitchen and bathroom except when 100% unavoidable. 
3. My boyfriend's iPhone software was pirated, meaning he lost revenue, got his hopes up only to be crushed, and now our budget is limited.
4. Both of my parents weigh less than I do. My dad because of his constant nausea and my mother because of her vigilance in going to the gym during times of crisis.
5. My acne is getting more persistent and worse. I can't stop touching my face and I don't think I can. I was going to bring ProActive up from California but I only had carry-on bags and those are liquids. 

Resolutions to problems:
1. Cry, visit often, talk to my mom more often, edit dad's book.
2. Move to new house in January when I come back from Christmas with family.
3. Get a raise at work, create an actual budget for us for food, brainstorm ideas for a new program he could write/ new project. 
4. Use boyfriend's apartment's gym for eliptical trainer, do crunches whenever possible, stretch everyday at least once. Work out with boyfriend for support.
5. Use ProActive in California and bring it up when I come back in big checked suitcase.