Sunday, June 8, 2008

Bad Things and Life Plans

Things are not so bad. It's odd, actually. I make plans in my head all the time, and when I was home for graduation parties my brother said he does the same, and even if its for small stupid things it runs my day when it doesn't happen. Right before I graduated I said that it was the end of the world, the photo album of the last week of school was 'end of my life,' and I meant it. 

In 5th grade they made me create a life plan, imagining what I would do and where I would be. I said I was a paleontologist and found an important bone which linked something together with something unrelated and got an award. I threw the award in there, and I was thinking at the time that it was all so optimistic and that would probably never happen, it takes years of patience and different projects to get good at excavating, luck, timing, just generally not very likely to get an award.  In high school I said I would be a botanist in South America, looking for medicinal cures in exotic amazonian plants, again, finding success. But let's be honest here, they made me make those plans, they were not things I didn't even think mattered like, "i think i'll get a saint cupcake today, and if i don't i'll be pissy to no end even though that's a stupid plan." (thankfully i DID eat all the MF ING delicious little cupcakes I ate within 2 hours of purchase. 

What I'm saying is, I don't have a life plan, and it doesn't bother me because I didn't think I had one. I am being a little upper middle class princess about what a pain it has been to find housing and a job, but really, I didn't have a fantasy right-after-college plan so it's fine. I never thought I would go to Europe or cross the country, go home or anything. In fact, the plan has always been to mope around in Portland until I feel like it. So this is the plan. Huh. Anyway, I thought I would share other things that are in my life plan, because instead of having a career, I have very small goals that could happen anytime anywhere in my lifespan. (Which I still secretly believe/fear will end before I am 30, so you know.)

  • I want to live and work in England for more than 6 months, and have some friends there, at least 1, so I'm not all on my own.
  • I want to visit the pandas at the Wolong Panda Reserve in Chengdu, China. They all survived the earthquake and they are thinking of moving them somewhere else, but I'd like to go where ever they all end up.
  • I want to try out for Jeopardy when I am 25, 27, 28, or 29. I didn't do it in college, because in college they expect you to know everything, and that is too much pressure.
  • If I can, I want to help buy my mother's family's home in France, I think in Angouleme. It's not much of a house and it's apparently feet away from a highway, but it makes my mother happy so I want to help.
  • If I had a large mansion it would include: secret passageways (there is a real company that does this:!) an armillary sphere, a large library, billiards table, pinball machine, moon globe, spiral staircase, furnished attic, furnished basement, dumb waiter, moving sidewalk (no matter how short) bernese mountain dog puppy, fennec fox, a bridge in the backyard over some sort of creek or stream, typewriter, slurpee machine.
  • Maybe a hybrid car.
  • Maybe go to: Great Rift Valley, the Artic (for the polar bears), India, Germany, Sweden (for Anders), Egypt, Santa Croce in Florence (for Galileo), Inner Mongolia (for Genghis), St. Petersberg (for Mendeleev), Moscow (for Prokofiev)
  • People I would like to meet: Stephen Fry, Jason Schwartzman, Zach Condon, members of Dispatch, Will Shortz, David Mamet, Orson Scott Card, Sergio Aragones,  Billy Collins.
  • People I would like to see in concert I haven't seen: Jason Schwartzman (Coconut Records), Zach Condon, Dispatch, Danny Elfman, Jon Brion, Fiona Apple, Regina Spektor, Rufus Wainwright, Presidents of USA, Coldplay, Jason Mraz, Lily Allen, the Arcade Fire, Barenaked Ladies, Ben Kweller, Squirrel Nut Zipper, Radiohead, Panic at the Disco, Neutral Milk Hotel, Missy Elliott, Moldy Peaches, Juanes, Jill Sobule, Ima Robot, Harry and the Potters

  • Things aren't so bad, there's just so much that could be happening. GET OUT OF THE SHIRE. 

    Monday, June 2, 2008

    Review: Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull

    This review contains spoilers, I guess. 

    I LOVE The Last Crusade. It is one of the movies that you should not watch with me unless you love people saying lines right before they happen, and little "eeeee!!!" noises all through the hours. I am only annoying fangirl like that with Dead Poet's Society and State and Main, but nothing is as bad. Examples of little girl explosions:
    • "We're turning around, they're taking us back to Germany"
    • Vintage dirt bikes with sidecars!
    • World War II Tanks!
    • X marks the spot!
    • Nazis! (I have a theory all movies with Nazis are good, including Illinois Nazis)
    • "The penitent man shall pass."
    • (not) dying off the cliff.
    • The leap of faith.

    • I LOVE it, ok?

      So I saw the new movie by myself, but my dad warned me on the phone right before I should look away when ants start crawling on people. (He loves me!)  My herpephobic  friend did not appreciate the snake/rope conundrum but I did find it amusing that Indy kept getting a snake in his face. 

      Ok. Neutral things: I thought Shia said his name was Mud, not Mutt. I don't know why he was on a motorcycle out of the mist at the train station, but whatever. a lot of combing hair, was cute when he prepared to die that way. A little less swordplay than I was expecting, thought it would come in later, not so early. In the end, it didn't matter whether his friend was double or triple, he was greedy and in the end that's what got him, not being a traitor, so I wish it wasn't such a big deal when it doesn't affect anything except make him look more and less evil depending on the scene. Which again, doesn't matter. 

      Weird unnecessary confusing bullshit: 
      1. The skull itself reminded me of clear plastic 3-D puzzles that I have no tolerance from. It is magnetic, and natives and ants fear it. It is crystal but sturdy enough to be used to clobber someone over the head when in a bag. And all of this is answered with: alien technology.  As annoying as "mystery of God" answer.
      2. Indy does not need to look deep in the eyes to understand his friend, he's BRILLIANT anyway, dammit. He understood the ancient riddle before, and realizing his friend needed paper didn't take an alien genius.
      3. Groundhogs in the beginning. Why? It was awkward, it was not a metaphore for the chase and they were not endearing.
      4. The line at the end. "Well, the word for gold translates as treasure. But their treasure wasn't gold, it was knowledge. Knowledge was their treasure." What a terrible redundant fretarded quote. Someone needs to hire me for copy editing, and fast.
      5. The establishing shot for the cemetery. was. a. model. with. flashing. lights. It was so obvious, I could not believe it. I had to downgrade my standards to youtube quality effects because I can't believe that's what Hollywood allowed to go through to the final cut. MAN it looked like a tiny model. I would not have been surprised if someone's hand or food was in the shot, gigantic in proportion. Terrible terrible, no suspension of disbelief.
      6. There were no hammer and sickles placed obviously around. Irina had one on the back of her jacket, but its only because I was looking the whole time that I found it.
      7. Mind control is hawt, but Irina did not use it at all during the movie to any advantage. The skull did things, but she did NOT. booo false advertising. Also apparently knowledge sets you on fire. I would have rather that she learned everything and killed herself. Or they killed her because they realize she is evil. But not continually asking for knowledge and then combusting.

      8. Whatever. It was ok. Lucas may live.