Cool Guys List

Sun Tzu (544-496BC)

Zeno of Elea (490-430BC)

Tiresias (405BC-?)

Dismas and Gestas (?-29)

Charlesmagne (747-814)

Genghis Khan (1162-1227)

Nicholaus Copernicus (1473-1543)

Sir Francis Drake (1540-1596)

El Greco (1541-1614)

Galileo Galilei (1564-1642)

Thomas Hobbes (1588-1679)

Diego Velazquez (1599-1660)

Carolus Linnaeus (1707-1778)

Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr (1841-1935)

Frederic Chopin (1810-1849)

Clara Barton (1821-1912)

Dmitri Mendeleev (1831-1907)

Carry Nation (1846-1911)

Emma Lazarus (1849-1887)

Miguel de Unamuno (1864-1931)

Beatrix Potter (1866-1943)

George Patton (1885-1945)

Charlie Chaplin (1889-1977)

Sergei Prokofiev (1891-1953)

Langston Hughes (1902-1967)

John Steinbeck (1902-1968)

Sterling Holloway (1905-1992)

Jean-Paul Sartre (1905-1980)

Woodrow Wilson Guthrie (1912-1967)

Eugene Kelly (1912-1996)

Henry Mancini (1924-1994)

Harvey Milk (1930-1978)

John Williams (1932-?)

Sergio Aragones (1937-?)

Billy Collins (1941-?)

Frank Oz (1944-?)

Robert Munsch (1945-?)

David Mamet (1947-?)

Frank Hughes (1949-2009)

Orson Scott Card (1951-?)

Will Shortz (1952-?)

Danny Elfman (1953-?)

Stephen Fry (1957-?)

David Mitchell (1974-?)

Jason Schwartzman (1980-?)

Andy Smith (1984-?)

Paul Shamble (1986-?)

Guillermo J Writerdog (immortal)

Raúl (immortal)

The Hippopotamus and Magical Sex

I just finished reading Stephen Fry's novel The Hippopotamus. I picked it out this summer at Powell's and chose it based on its very low low price, paperbacked-ness, and nice hippo cover. I read it during lunches as I was starting at PECI, and then shit went down, and I lost the book. I also lost my sunglasses, my check wallet, and a lot of lip gloss. 

A couple of weeks ago, I found them all in the same messenger bag that I apparently had not used or opened in months. So I took it up again, more than half-way through, and it finally got good and interesting, which it sadly had not previously been. This being the reason it was lost and not very well looked for. Anyway, spoiler alert, it turns out that this kid has fucked his cousin, a horse, and an older man because he thought his semen would heal them of their ailments. 

At the same time, Digg told me about this comic which highlights a superpower that necessitates the superhero to fuck the person for them to tell the absolute truth.

In related news, once upon a time, when an ex-friend and I would talk about things like, since Johnny Storm says "FLAME ON!" to turn into Human Torch, shouldn't The Thing, or The Hulk, or Colossus say "HARD ON" when they transform into their more invulnerable states? Or, when Wolfsbane transforms from her more human form to her wolf form, what happens to the hair down there? In related matters, Green Lantern could hypothetically create a green condom, bypassing the need for other contraceptives except! Could he retain a sufficient level of concentration during the moment in which he actually would need the block to keep it substantive? Of course the classic discussion is Superman's deadly shot through Lois and WonderWoman's wonderwomb from Mallrats. 

Problems in my Life Right Now

1. My dad is dying of lung cancer in California and he is a good person and I am in Portland and I should be helping them everyday.

2. My house is unsanitary to the point that I avoid the kitchen and bathroom except when 100% unavoidable. 

3. My boyfriend's iPhone software was pirated, meaning he lost revenue, got his hopes up only to be crushed, and now our budget is limited.

4. Both of my parents weigh less than I do. My dad because of his constant nausea and my mother because of her vigilance in going to the gym during times of crisis.

5. My acne is getting more persistent and worse. I can't stop touching my face and I don't think I can. I was going to bring ProActive up from California but I only had carry-on bags and those are liquids. 

Resolutions to problems:

1. Cry, visit often, talk to my mom more often, edit dad's book.

2. Move to new house in January when I come back from Christmas with family.

3. Get a raise at work, create an actual budget for us for food, brainstorm ideas for a new program he could write/ new project. 

4. Use boyfriend's apartment's gym for eliptical trainer, do crunches whenever possible, stretch everyday at least once. Work out with boyfriend for support.

5. Use ProActive in California and bring it up when I come back in big checked suitcase.

Where is the Unialphabet?

Recently I poked and prodded around the internet, Portland libraries, and even had my mother in California send me a book in the mail to get an example of Delfín Carbonell Bassett's "Unialphabet." 

Here is why: I think it's potentially brilliant. It's a simple gesture that could really change the mindset of students learning language.

Here is what it is, in theory: Instead of having and English/Spanish and Spanish/English division in bilingual dictionaries, put them all together in one alphabet, with some sort of key to distinguish which comes from which language. It breaks down the artificial wall, and lets the languages live in the same universe. It may lead to more 'Spanglish' writings, but it also stops kids from learning unconsciously that their language of reference can only be thought of one word at a time in the other language, one arrow going to Spanish, one arrow back to English. With the Unialphabet system, all the words are living in bunk beds next to each other, forced to recognize the others' presence AS WELL AS exponentially increasing the element of serendipity, finding words you weren't looking for, because now all the words are available all the time as the main words. It also can visually show someone "hey, English has a lot more words in the W section than Spanish, why is that?" pushing a student to think about the fundamentals of language earlier than the day some crazy word enthusiast, such as myself, pushes word facts down their throats without warning. 

Here is the problem: The book my mother sent me was a Dictionary of Proverbs, which was on the list of books which used the system on Wikipedia. I know Wikipedia is not the king of information, but by god I thought I could trust it just a little further than I could throw it. Anyway, the red and yellow cover, as you can see, clearly divides it into two sections. One thing it does do is explain English idioms in Spanish, and Spanish idioms in English. Ok, that's good, but WHY ARE THERE TWO ALPHABETS. UNI! ONE! WTF! I want to love this, I want to write to Erin McKean and tell her for the Dictionary Society of America I want to write a proposal that encourages bilingual dictionaries to be printed unialphabetically for American textbooks, and pocket dictionaries! BUT I DON'T HAVE A REAL EXAMPLE! 

In fact, the most true example of a unialphabet that I have access to is my very own "Mellifluous Verbosity," the list of all the words that make me happy.

So what now? Keep searching for my linguistic path, amuse myself with words, maybe email Mr. Señor Carbonell Bassett again, search for actual images of the Unialphabet in practice. Sigh. 

Aspiring paleoverbologist out.

I miss you too much, Wile E.

Wile E., the love of my life, has been put down after 12 dedicated years to the Hugheses. He had a very aggressive sarcoma that had invaded his brain and sinuses, making it very hard to breathe. His birthday was July 1st, 1996. I picked him out 9 weeks later, I taught him 'on your mark, get set, go,' how to earn dinner by waiting patiently, or, alternatively pouncing on his bowl, and to jump PVC hurdles. He would dig with enthusiasm but not with focus, when his toys were covered he would pounce on them like an arctic fox, and he was a very good soccer goalie. He always had kisses to give, and he was a vigilant shepard to his sheep. I will miss his crossed front paws, and his infinite patience with me when I would keep him in my room and he wanted to leave to check on the other sheep. He even let me paint his toenails once. I will miss him an incredible amount. The days I was home that he was at the emergency clinic, the house already felt empty without his chain jingling, sitting in main thoroughfares, and kicking his back leg out when he sat down. I miss you I miss you I miss you. Love you forever, Wile E. 

Wile E. Hughes 

July 1 1996 - October 14, 2008

Best Dog Ever

The Ways of Language: A Reader

Last week I got kicked in the pants by a linguistic celebrity. What happened was that at Andy’s 24th birthday party, 2 guys talking about their difficulty in finding suits their sizes were forced to talk to me by Andy. (I who was being forced to constantly drink more champagne.) I forced the conversation to linguistics as I do, and one of the smartly-dressed chaps suggested I email any famous important linguistics person I could think of in the world and ask for advice. Well I did, and I expected a surrogate response or a cokkie cutter statement but NO, Erin McKean the editor of the New Oxford American Dictionary and all-around good American lexicographer, WROTE BACK... TWICE. It was almost too much to take.
Anyhow she suggested that more than having a job in the industry or taking specific classes what I should really be doing is keeping up on Historical Linguistics literature. I almost jumped out the door to buy some big happy books when I realized I already have 8 that I’ve tried to start and then lost motivation for. “If you think it will be hard to motivate yourself to do the reading set yourself a public goal and blog your progress,” said the mighty lexicographer. And so I am.

I’m beginning with Raymond Pflug’s “The Ways of Language: A Reader” that my mother bought for me in New York. It’s small and green from 1967, a collection of essays on various topics, it’s the perfect place to start and I only chose it randomly by bothering my boyfriend into choosing a number between 1 and 8. good job boyfriend!


It’s a great review of things I’ve learned in beginning Linguistics, philosophy of linguistics, and history of english classes. There is one fabulously dated passage which reads:

Currently, dictionary men are wrestling with such terms as “exurbanite, “duopoly,” “musicology,” “medic,” “litterbug,” “hard-top,” “elasticize,” desegregation,” “egghead,” “tranquilizer,” and “paperback.” Are these words?

I love several things about this passage, the first being ‘dictionary men.’ Was women writing dictionaries not allowed or was it before the extreme sensitivity to pronouns was put in the front of so many minds? It’s so MadMen I adore it. Another thing is that when I read recent articles, or when Grant Barrett mentions a list of new slang words on A Way with Words and wonders which will endure and which will fall out of use, you get the feeling you know which will stick around, but with that list of 11 words, so many of them surviving slang status for 40 years, I just can’t say what’s coming next. And ‘tranquilizer’ is that young?

I'm happy for the kick in the pants. It's got me on the move. Updates as they come.

Bad Things and Life Plans

Things are not so bad. It's odd, actually. I make plans in my head all the time, and when I was home for graduation parties my brother said he does the same, and even if its for small stupid things it runs my day when it doesn't happen. Right before I graduated I said that it was the end of the world, the photo album of the last week of school was 'end of my life,' and I meant it. 

In 5th grade they made me create a life plan, imagining what I would do and where I would be. I said I was a paleontologist and found an important bone which linked something together with something unrelated and got an award. I threw the award in there, and I was thinking at the time that it was all so optimistic and that would probably never happen, it takes years of patience and different projects to get good at excavating, luck, timing, just generally not very likely to get an award.  In high school I said I would be a botanist in South America, looking for medicinal cures in exotic amazonian plants, again, finding success. But let's be honest here, they made me make those plans, they were not things I didn't even think mattered like, "i think i'll get a saint cupcake today, and if i don't i'll be pissy to no end even though that's a stupid plan." (thankfully i DID eat all the MF ING delicious little cupcakes I ate within 2 hours of purchase. 

What I'm saying is, I don't have a life plan, and it doesn't bother me because I didn't think I had one. I am being a little upper middle class princess about what a pain it has been to find housing and a job, but really, I didn't have a fantasy right-after-college plan so it's fine. I never thought I would go to Europe or cross the country, go home or anything. In fact, the plan has always been to mope around in Portland until I feel like it. So this is the plan. Huh. Anyway, I thought I would share other things that are in my life plan, because instead of having a career, I have very small goals that could happen anytime anywhere in my lifespan. (Which I still secretly believe/fear will end before I am 30, so you know.)

I want to live and work in England for more than 6 months, and have some friends there, at least 1, so I'm not all on my own.

I want to visit the pandas at the Wolong Panda Reserve in Chengdu, China. They all survived the earthquake and they are thinking of moving them somewhere else, but I'd like to go where ever they all end up.

I want to try out for Jeopardy when I am 25, 27, 28, or 29. I didn't do it in college, because in college they expect you to know everything, and that is too much pressure.

If I can, I want to help buy my mother's family's home in France, I think in Angouleme. It's not much of a house and it's apparently feet away from a highway, but it makes my mother happy so I want to help.

If I had a large mansion it would include: secret passageways (there is a real company that does this: hiddenpassageway.com!) an armillary sphere, a large library, billiards table, pinball machine, moon globe, spiral staircase, furnished attic, furnished basement, dumb waiter, moving sidewalk (no matter how short) bernese mountain dog puppy, fennec fox, a bridge in the backyard over some sort of creek or stream, typewriter, slurpee machine.

Maybe a hybrid car.

Maybe go to: Great Rift Valley, the Artic (for the polar bears), India, Germany, Sweden (for Anders), Egypt, Santa Croce in Florence (for Galileo), Inner Mongolia (for Genghis), St. Petersberg (for Mendeleev), Moscow (for Prokofiev)

People I would like to meet: Stephen Fry, Jason Schwartzman, Zach Condon, members of Dispatch, Will Shortz, David Mamet, Orson Scott Card, Sergio Aragones,  Billy Collins.

People I would like to see in concert I haven't seen: Jason Schwartzman (Coconut Records), Zach Condon, Dispatch, Danny Elfman, Jon Brion, Fiona Apple, Regina Spektor, Rufus Wainwright, Presidents of USA, Coldplay, Jason Mraz, Lily Allen, the Arcade Fire, Barenaked Ladies, Ben Kweller, Squirrel Nut Zipper, Radiohead, Panic at the Disco, Neutral Milk Hotel, Missy Elliott, Moldy Peaches, Juanes, Jill Sobule, Ima Robot, Harry and the Potters

Things aren't so bad, there's just so much that could be happening. GET OUT OF THE SHIRE.